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Self Love

In Blog, Feelings, Theology on
August 28, 2023

Am I Enough?

You are enough.

Or, at least, that’s what everybody says. That’s what’s on the t-shirts and the coffee mugs and the pastel Instagram graphics. It’s the mantra of every female empowerment influencer. You are enough. Having a bad day? You are enough. Dealing with “toxic” friends? You are enough. So frustrated with your kids that you can’t get through the day without a glass of wine? You. Are. Enough.

This little phrase is quite popular these days, especially amongst women, even amongst some Christians. These three words are meant to be encouraging, inspiring, empowering, to remind you that you’re doing the best you can do and that’s okay. But while the phrase may make you feel warm and fuzzy inside, it shouldn’t be automatically accepted as authoritative truth. As with everything else, we ought to take it to the Bible and see how it lines up with the teachings of Scripture.

So, what does the Bible have to say about this? Does the Bible teach that we are enough?

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In Blog, Book Reviews, Self-Love on
December 11, 2022

Live Your Truth and Other Lies

You just need to live your truth.

How many times have we heard a sentiment like this? It seems like everywhere we turn there is some author or influencer screaming to anyone and everyone who will listen, “Live your truth!”

But what is “your truth,” and where does it lead us? Well, those authors and influencers will tell you that “your truth” can mean anything you want it to. If “your truth” means you feel like the opposite sex or you’re attracted to the same sex, you should pursue that. If “your truth” means you leave your spouse and children for some shiny career, you’d be told to follow your dreams. If “your truth” means wasting all your money on frivolous things and getting so drunk that you can barely stand, you’d hear no arguments from them.

Living “your truth” may feel good and fun in the moment, but it ultimately leaves us anxious, exhausted, and obsessed with ourselves. We need to strive for a better, holier way of living, and Alisa Childers explains how we can do exactly that in her new book, Live Your Truth and Other Lies.

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In Blog, Book Reviews, Self-Love on
February 21, 2022

Enough About Me

Women in America are increasingly unhappy. And nobody quite seems to know why. After all, women have more rights and more opportunities than they’ve ever had before. Yet, women still feel unsatisfied, unfulfilled, and simply unhappy.

And when women feel this way, our culture tells them that they just to practice a little self-care. You just need to go get your nails done. You just need to go do some yoga. You just need to say no to others. You just need to focus on yourself. While these things may provide a modicum of relief, discontentment sets in soon afterward. What is the problem? Why are women so unhappy? In her book Enough About Me, Jen Oshman suggests that the problem is that women are focusing on themselves too much.

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In Blog, Book Reviews, Self-Love on
November 1, 2021

Flourish

A couple years ago, I saw an Instagram post about a Christian women’s conference that had recently happened not far from where I live. In the picture, there was a wall full of cards attached to strings with clothespins where the women attending the conference could take pictures. On each card, there was a different affirmation – I am enough. I am radiant. I am chosen. I am a masterpiece. I am valued. I am victorious. I am captivating. I am redeemed. I am cherished. I am adored. I am worthy.

Do you notice a theme running through all these phrases? They all focus on “I.” They’re not focused on God. They’re not focused on the Bible. They’re all focused on who “I” am. This infatuation with the self is becoming increasingly popular in the Church, especially among Christian women. When women shout these Christian-sounding phrases, they believe that they are helping themselves and other women like them to be free of the guilt and the shame and the trauma and the low self-esteem they’ve struggled with. But, as Lydia Brownback writes in her book Flourish, this self-focus is not as freeing as it appears.

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In Blog, Feelings, Theology on
August 16, 2021

My Feelings are Valid, or Are They?

My feelings are valid!

If you’ve followed any female influencer who prioritizes self-love and self-care for any length of time, you’ve probably heard this phrase before. Or perhaps you’ve even used it yourself. We live in a culture that highly prizes, validates, and affirms one’s feelings, whether they be good or bad. And this culture is even trying to train us to always speak in a way that will never leave anyone out, offend anyone, or hurt anyone’s feelings. Rene Descartes, a French philosopher who lived in the seventeenth century, once said, “I think, therefore I am.”[1] But is appears our culture has changed this to, “I feel, therefore I am.”

Many people today find their identity in how they feel, so they want their feelings to be validated because that then validates their identity – who they are as a person. But the problem with this phrase is that not all feelings are valid. Therefore, as believers, we cannot and should not affirm those feelings which are in fact invalid.

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