Marriage and the desire to be married are very common in our culture, but in recent years, singleness is on the rise. According to Psychology Today, about forty five percent of American adults were unmarried in 2017 – a record high. But a majority of these single folks are not satisfied with their relationship status. Psychology Today also reported that, according to a 2017 study, fifty eight percent of American adults who have never been married desire to be married one day. (1)
While the desire for marriage is not wrong, dissatisfaction with singleness is an issue both in the secular and the Christian world, and it is only exasperated by the expectations the culture puts on singles. Singleness is almost seen as a disease to be avoided. If you’ve been single for a long time, something must be wrong with you. And if you’re still single by your 40s, nearly all hope is lost.
The apostle Paul talks about singleness like it’s a gift. In chapter seven of his first letter to the Corinthian church, Paul expresses his belief that those who are unmarried should remain single, like he was. Getting married is by no means a sin, but marriage can often distract individuals from their walk with the Lord. Those who remain single can solely focus on pleasing God and do not have to worry about pleasing a spouse.
Yet, single people often don’t view their relationship status as a gift. It seems more like a curse. I’m single and have never been in a romantic relationship, and I definitely hope my state of singleness is not lifelong. But what if it is? Am I doomed to a difficult life full of loneliness and unfulfilled desires?
Sam Allberry writes that the answer is no in his book 7 Myths about Singleness. As can be inferred by the title, Sam outlines seven common myths about singleness and explains why these myths are just not true. Singles are not doomed to lonely lives or cursed with unfulfilled desires. Singleness is good, and single people can actually live very wonderful lives and do things that married people with kids can’t. The truth is both singleness and marriage are gifts from God to be used to serve and glorify Him. No matter what our relationship status is, all our desires and longings are truly satisfied in our Lord. Sam says it this way:
“The issue is not whether this path or that path is better, whether singleness or marriage would bring me more good. The issue is God and whether I will plunge myself into Him, trusting Him every day.” (2)
Sam Allberry is an excellent author who speaks from experience, and his book is a short, easy read. I would definitely recommend 7 Myths about Singleness to any Christian who is single or who often interacts with those who are.
1. Bella DePaulo, “How Many Americans Want to Be Single? Results of 5 Studies,” Psychology Today, September 20, 2017, accessed December 20, 2019, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201709/how-many-americans-want-be-single-results-5-studies.
2. Sam Allberry, 7 Myths about Singleness (Wheaton: Crossway, 2019), 149.
