What is the greatest commandment? If you’ve spent time studying God’s Word, you probably know the answer: to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind (and all your strength, depending on which Gospel you’re reading). Jesus declared this to be the greatest commandment in the Law when He was speaking to a group of Pharisees who were trying to test Him. Of course, being the omniscient Son of God, Jesus is not one to be outwitted or outsmarted. He replied without hesitation, giving them an answer that not only refers to a specific Old Testament command (Deuteronomy 6:5) but also encompasses the purpose of the entire Law God laid out for His people.

At the same time, Jesus also shares the second greatest commandment, another one you’re likely familiar with: love your neighbor as yourself. What it looks like to love your neighbor has been a highly discussed topic, both in ancient times and recent years. Many professing believers have misused this passage or taken it out of context. Some have used this verse to argue that one cannot love their neighbors until they love themselves, but is this true? Is this really what Jesus meant when He said these words?

Let’s take a look at this command in context. The apostle Matthew writes in his Gospel:

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?’ And he said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:36-40, ESV

Like the first greatest commandment, this second greatest commandment isn’t something that Jesus just made up in that moment. It’s rooted in Old Testament Law. In Leviticus, we read:

“You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD…You shall treat the stranger who sojourns with you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the LORD your God.” Leviticus 19:18, 34

God commanded Israel to love their neighbors as themselves, which included other Israelites as well as foreigners. Jesus emphasized the importance of this command throughout His ministry, perhaps most notably during the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:43-44) and his parable about the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:29-37). And both Paul and James reiterated this commandment’s importance in their New Testament writings to the early church (Romans 13:9, Galatians 5:14, James 2:8). All of this goes to show how great this command truly is, as it also encompasses the true purpose of many of the laws we find in the Old Testament.

We’ve established that we must love others, whether they be friend or foe, and that we must love them as we love ourselves. But what does it mean to love others as ourselves? I know I certainly don’t love myself every single day of my life. There are days when I wish I had a different body shape or that I could shed some of my natural quirks. And what about those who struggle with depression or suicidal thoughts? Can they—or any of us—truly love their neighbors if they don’t love themselves?

The truth is that we all naturally love ourselves. Jesus didn’t say, “Love your neighbor as you ought to love yourself.” No, Jesus’ answer to the Pharisee implies that we already love ourselves. We are a sinful, selfish people who constantly think of ourselves and what would make us happy and satisfied. Even those who struggle with negative feelings about themselves are still preoccupied with themselves and what would make them feel better. We don’t need to focus on loving ourselves before loving others because we already do. Allie Stuckey wrote in her book, You’re Not Enough (and that’s okay):

“Satan would love nothing more than for us to waste our time with fleeting efforts in self-betterment while people around us are suffering. Jesus shows us a better way.”^[1]

Instead of making sure that we love ourselves before we love others, Jesus calls us to put others before ourselves and treat them how we’d want to be treated (Matthew 7:12). He calls us to “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3). Just as Jesus humbled Himself by becoming a man to show love to us, a sinful, selfish people, we are also called to humble ourselves and care for others’ interests, not just our own (Philippians 2:4-8). Rather than doing whatever makes us feel happy and satisfied, we are called to deny ourselves, take up our crosses, and follow Christ (Matthew 16:24).

Can you love others before you love yourself? Yes. Those who say otherwise are taking the second greatest commandment out of context. We already naturally love ourselves, but loving others doesn’t always come so easily. Therefore, we must strive to love others as we love ourselves, to treat others as we’d like to be treated, and to look out for our neighbors’ desires and interests before our own.

And if you are someone who struggles with negative thoughts about themselves, if you’re feeling discouraged or depressed, remember the love that God has for you. Even while you were still a sinner, Christ came down to earth and died for you because He loved you and wanted you to spend eternity with Him (Romans 5:8). Rest in His great love and allow that love to spur you on to love those around you.

“In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” 1 John 4:10-11

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^[1] Allie Beth Stuckey, You’re Not Enough (and that’s okay): Escaping the Toxic Culture of Self-Love (Sentinel: 2020), 160.