How many times have you seen the phrase “I am enough” on Christian t-shirts or journals, or how many times have you heard “you are enough” being taught at women’s ministry events? While the phrase sounds nice and happy and encouraging, it is actually not a Christian idea. The phrase originated from the self-love culture of our society, and unfortunately this culture of self-love has infiltrated the church.
What is self-love? And why is self-love such a bad thing? These are the questions Allie Stuckey answers in her book You’re Not Enough (and that’s okay).
According to Allie-
“The culture of self-love tells us that we are enough. And that until we love ourselves into realizing our enough-ness, nothing in our lives will be right.”[1]
The self-love culture is more than the saying “you are enough.” Have you ever heard any of the following phrases? You are perfect just the way you are. You do you. Your feelings are valid. You determine your truth. You are entitled to your dreams. You can’t love others until you first love yourself. All of these phrases come from the culture of self-love, or as Allie likes to call it in her book, the Cult of Self-Affirmation. While finding contentment in who God has created you to be is not a bad thing, making an idol out of oneself and focusing all one’s time and energy into one’s happiness is truly like being in a cult.
As I mentioned above, self-love has seeped into the church, especially women’s ministry. There are many women who claim to be Christians writing books and leading conferences about the ideas above. They teach that all our problems and insecurities would go away if we just learned to truly love ourselves. They teach us to wash our faces, and stop apologizing, and be the fierce and free woman God made us to be. But this self-love and self-affirmation is ultimately not helpful, satisfying, or fulfilling. In fact, self-love and self-affirmation often becomes toxic.
This culture of self-love is so toxic because we are flawed and imperfect beings. We are not “enough,” and we can never truly be “enough.” Allie argues-
“Our sufficiency isn’t the answer to insecurity, and self-love isn’t the antidote to our feelings of self-loathing. Why? Because the self can’t be both the problem and the solution… The answer to the purposelessness and hollowness we feel is found not in us but outside of us. The solutions to our problems and pain aren’t found in self-love, but in God’s love. The God who created us, who created the universe, who is the same yesterday, today, and forever, is the one who provides us with the purpose and satisfaction we’re seeking.”[2]
In her book, Allie analyzes five of the most popular myths of self-love culture and counters them with the truth of God’s Word. We serve a God who loves us and gave Himself for us, so we should be focused on glorifying Him, not ourselves. His Word is truth, and we are to trust Him and His Word over our feelings. We are imperfect, but we are called to pursue sanctification. We may not achieve our dreams, but we can still honor and serve God wherever He has placed us. God calls us not to self-love, but to self-sacrifice so that we may love others. And throughout her book, Allie repeats this (perhaps surprisingly) encouraging truth-
“You’re not enough, you’ll never be enough, and that’s okay, because God is.”[3]
Allie’s book, You’re Not Enough (and that’s okay), is definitely one of my favorite books I’ve read this year, and there is so much good stuff in it that I felt like I highlighted almost the entire book! The concise chapters and personal stories make it a super easy and relatable read. I think every Christian woman needs to read this book so that they can be aware of the lies of our culture and be equipped with the truths of the gospel.
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[1] Allie Beth Stuckey, You’re Not Enough (and that’s okay): Escaping the Toxic Culture of Self-Love (Sentinel, 2020), 5.
[2] Ibid., 9-10.
[3] Ibid., 10.
