We’ve been lied to.

For decades, women have been told that it’s up to them to create their identities, that they can be whomever they want to be. It doesn’t matter what your body tells you. It’s your mind that is the real you, and you ought to change your body to match your mind if you really want to live a happy and fulfilled life on this earth.

But this is completely untrue. Our bodies and our minds should not be at war with each other. They are both equal parts of who we are as women, and they both are equally valuable in informing who we are and what we are like. We can’t just be whoever we want to be and do whatever we want to do, even if this means going against the identity that we’ve constructed in our heads. Our culture has made so many of these kinds of promises to women, but they have all fallen short and come up empty.

We are made for more. We need the truth. And as Jen Oshman writes in her new book, we ought to cast aside these cultural counterfeits and lies the world has offered us.