My feelings are valid!

If you’ve followed any female influencer who prioritizes self-love and self-care for any length of time, you’ve probably heard this phrase before. Or perhaps you’ve even used it yourself. We live in a culture that highly prizes, validates, and affirms one’s feelings, whether they be good or bad. And this culture is even trying to train us to always speak in a way that will never leave anyone out, offend anyone, or hurt anyone’s feelings. Rene Descartes, a French philosopher who lived in the seventeenth century, once said, “I think, therefore I am.”^[1] But is appears our culture has changed this to, “I feel, therefore I am.”

Many people today find their identity in how they feel, so they want their feelings to be validated because that then validates their identity – who they are as a person. But the problem with this phrase is that not all feelings are valid. Therefore, as believers, we cannot and should not affirm those feelings which are in fact invalid.

Now, I’m not saying that all feelings and emotions are bad. God created us as emotional beings, which is evidenced by the wide range of emotions expressed in the Psalms. Even Jesus, the most perfect man to ever walk the earth, experienced emotions. He felt sadness and grief at the death of His friend (John 11:35). He felt anger at the disrespect and dishonor happening in the temple (Mark 11:15-19). He felt compassion for the lost people of Israel (Matthew 9:36). And He felt joy in His obedience to the Father (Hebrews 12:2).

Feelings are real and good, but this does not mean all of our feelings are valid. Feelings can only be valid if they are rooted in truth. Allie Stuckey writes,

“Our feelings may be real in that we truly feel them, but they’re not valid if they’re not based in reality.”^[2]

We are sinful creatures, and this means that our sin affects how we feel and how we react to things. It means we are going to have a lot of sinful, invalid feelings that we’ll need to repent from (Ephesians 4:31). The prophet Jeremiah once penned,

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9, ESV

The Bible and especially the book of Proverbs make it clear that our emotions and feelings are not to be relied upon. Those who trust in their hearts and vent their feelings are labeled as fools (Proverbs 28:26, 29:11). They believe that they are in the right, but their trust in their feelings is the way to death (Proverbs 12:15, 14:12). We are called to be slow to affirm feelings like anger or frustration, for these feelings do not produce righteousness (Proverbs 14:29, 16:32; James 1:20). Instead of relying on our feelings, we’re commanded to rely on God-

“Trust in the LORD with all you heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5

We must trust in God, and we can trust in God. He is our source of truth (John 14:6, 17:17). He is without sin (1 John 1:5). And, unlike our feelings, He never changes (James 1:17). Allie Stuckey also writes,

“Our emotions don’t have the final say in our lives, God does. While our feelings change, God doesn’t.”^[3]

We don’t find our identity in our feelings. We find our identity in God, in Christ. Instead of relying on our feelings for truth, we rely on God’s Word for truth. And we must test all our feelings against the truth of Scripture.

But what exactly does this look like? What can we do to ensure we are not affirming invalid feelings? First, we must humble ourselves and remember that God is in charge of our lives, not our feelings (1 Peter 5:6). Then, we must cast our cares upon Him. God loves us and cares for us; He cares about our feelings (1 Peter 5:7). We must pray to God about our feelings and ask Him to expose any feelings that are ungodly and invalid. We should also set our minds on the things of God, and we do this by reading God’s Word and seeing what it has to say about the emotions we are feeling or the situations we find ourselves in (Colossians 3:2). Finally, we must take our invalid feelings and thoughts captive so that we may be obedient to Christ-

“We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,” 2 Corinthians 10:5

It is only when we humble ourselves, pray, read the Bible, and take our invalid feelings captive that we can truly live sober-minded lives (1 Peter 5:8), lives where we are not reliant upon our emotions.

So, are the feelings that you’re feeling right now valid? It depends. If your feelings honor God and are free from sinful thoughts or desires, then yes. But if your feelings are ungodly, if your feelings go against God’s Word, if your feelings are determining your identity, if your feelings do not reflect truth, then no, your feelings are not valid. And I urge you to be humble, talk to God, search the Scriptures, and replace those invalid feelings with truth. Then, you will no longer be a slave to your emotions-

“And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

^[1] “Cognito, ergo sum,” Encyclopedia Britannica, last modified February 12, 2016, accessed June 29, 2021, https://www.britannica.com/topic/cogito-ergo-sum.

^[2] Allie Beth Stuckey, You’re Not Enough (and that’s okay): Escaping the Toxic Culture of Self-Love (Sentinel, 2020), 113.

^[3] Ibid., 116.